Yes, this time has come, my first born is starting Kindergarten in less than a week. Many feelings come up as I enter into this new chapter in her life, in my life, in our lives.
Last night, she became upset with me that I read to her little sister first and not to her first.
I tried to explain to her, my 5-year-old, that her 3-year-old sister also needs time to be read to, as I have spent time doing this with her when she was once a 3-year-old.
On another note, balancing two children and devoting one on one time has been a challenge and I see that it is needed, which I will rant about in a more fitting post.
Back to last night…
My daughter looked at me and started crying, she felt sad even though my explanation sounded fair to her, she still felt sad that she didn’t get to go first. Understandably so, as a 5-year-old, I wouldn’t care the reason, I still would want to be read to first, I sympathized.
I recalled the many moments when it was just her and I, before Fia was born and when my partner travelled for work. I spent my days with my first born for a couple of years before I returned to work. Now that those moments are gone, I appreciate them more than when I was in the thick of it.
I find myself scrolling through my pictures and videos of her when she was so little, and her little personality was slowly emerging.
I explained to her when she was younger that I taught her, her alphabets, colors and shapes, and her numbers.
She responded with, “I don’t remember that, are you just saying that to make me happy?”
I was blown away & a little hurt to be honest.
Even though I was taken back by her nonbelief that we actually had a sliver of very memorable years together, my 5 year old is just not about the fluff, or the BS … and it reassured me that my daughter is quick witted, smart and can definitely handle going to Kindergarten.
Essentially, my feelings arent about whether she was ready for kindergarten, but am I ready to enter this new phase in Motherhood with my child?
I’ve had parents tell me, that once they start school, the years go by even faster… I’m terrified that I’ll look up and she’ll be in middle schools, then college then… ugh, I dont even want to think about it.
I need to man up, mom up … I just want to smother her in hugs and kisses, whenever I realize this…
that the time, precious moments are all we have with our loved ones & to truly be present… because within a blink of an eye….
Embrace Your Days
If you are a mom whom is caring for a little one that is a toddler… embrace every moment…
The hours and days go by sssssloooowly, but the months and years turn out to be figments of our imagination and you will find yourself attempting to recall those days where they once had chubby cheeks and a toothless smile.
Counting down the days till her first day of kindergarten…
and stepping into a new phase of motherhood, till then.